Judging others???

I am just sitting here while everyone is still asleep. Times like this just gives me time to think and reflect. I at times feel that maybe I do that too much. Life has been tough, which the majority of people may feel the same. I am happy now. I have a wonderful family, that I love dearly. I worship my Savior and God. Yet times like these I feel there is still something missing. My MS took a lot away from me over the years but I still go on. I could care less about what others think of me yet there are times it bothers me. Lately something was said that truly bothered me. There was a person I truly respected but no longer do I respect them. I did everything for them, helped them in anyway even if what I was doing was hard because of my MS symptoms. Even when I would do things that left me the next day pretty much in bed all day due to ms fatigue. I still got up and continued. I was told by someone that the person I once respected said they felt I was disrespected them all because I didn't show up for something at their house and that they also said that if they ran into me and if I said the wrong thing they would bust my mouth. This person is supposedly a devote Christian, yet I feel a comment like that they need to re-read the teachings of our Lord. Yes people judge me all because I have tattoos, my ears are gauged, and recently dyed my hair. Just because I have a different outside appearance than what some people approve of does not mean that the person inside is different or bad. The people that truly know me I was always creative and just express myself in different ways. Does that make me a bad person? The Lord knows my heart and thats whats important!

Sometimes no matter what you do, someone is angry at you. It just leaves you wanting to scream FML!!!!!

Sometimes you ever just look back at your life and think about all the mistakes and roads/paths you took and just wonder where you would have been if you went left instead of right? It is another restless night for me. I sit in the darkness of the night staring at the monitor. The screen being the only light around me other than the amber glow of my lit cigarette. I have dealt with a lot in my life. 32 years have went slowly yet quickly in an instant. I wonder how the hell I have made it this many years. " i've been cursed, I've been crossed, I've been beaten by the ones that get me off"

New skunk mobile

My new car :) white with a black stripe finally a car that is suitable to call my skunk mobile.

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My new tattoo for my son

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My little Giraffe

My son Christian Elijah! Love you lil one.

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Just laying on the couch with insomnia chilling to Bruno Mars (yeah I know surprising but if you truly know me you know I listen to all music lol). I can't help but think how this year is almost over. Ever just have a moment where you cant help but reflect? It's been filled with so many different moments, happy, sad, and tough. We lost Windy's father who was a very admirable man. Christian turned one year old and Grace soon will be five. I have spent way too much time in the hospital and for once it wasn't really MS except for one incident at the ER. First time breaking a bone and typical for me I had to over due it with four broken ribs and a cracked hip joint. New scars even on my head. This year has been a whirlwind. November and December still in store. I'm a very lucky and blessed man though. I have two wonderful kids, a very lovable and strong woman for my very own. Love you Windy!


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Location:Mt Tabor Rd,Ewing,United States

Sitting here in the lift chair with my headphones on while Windy tries to get little one asleep. I just feel so melancholy this night. The pain has eased up yet I still feel down. Church was very good today and I thank God that he kept me from worse injuries or even death. I at times feel like Job. I know I'm going through a difficult time and I know He is there for me.


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Location:Ewing, KY

FML

These injuries are making me feel so useless. It's really getting to me. Just makes me want to scream! FML!!!!


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Location:Ewing, KY

Another Night

Just sitting here in the lift chair. I tried to sleep in the bed but my broken ribs won't let me. I was looking through old photo albums on Facebook. It's so weird to see how much I have changed and how much my life has changed. When Amanda left me I thought I would never find love again. I felt as though I wasn't meant to really know love, then I met Windy Jo and my life drastically turned. She has shown me love again, true love. I love spending each day with her. We have had our share of troubled times, yet I know what it is like to have someone to stand by me. Trouble comes and it goes but it makes my love grow deeper for her. She is such a wonderful woman, a true woman. I love you my yoyo! You have given me so much love that I feel that I really don't deserve. It's amazing how one person can change your life for the better.


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Location:Ewing, KY

I haven't posted for awhile. Life's been tough lately. My wife's father recently passed away. I have been trying to support her in this difficult time. Then while I was helping her grandfather move one of her dad's cars the brakes blew and I went down a hill about 500 or more yards and crashed into a ravine. I suffered three fractured ribs, fractured pelvis, concussion, and quite a few gashes on my forehead due to the windshield. Luckily it wasn't worse. It was a junk car a 1976 Ford Maverick.

It fully totaled the car.


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Location:Ewing,United States

Insomnia

Laying in bed completely awake. Oh how I hate insomnia. Windy been having a hard time sleeping too. Just one of those nights. So I thought might as well update my blog. Thinking about my life and how much it has changed. I went from feeling alone and thinking I was never going to find anyone to being happily married again and soon will be blessed with a son. After the divorce I felt a failure and then bad relationship after another. Then I met windy and my life feels complete again. I miss grace so much but I get to see her. She still knows me as daddy and it means so much to me. I have gotten to know myself again and realized my faults. I blamed myself for the divorce for such a long time. Windy has really helped me to heal, her and God. I am learning to trust in Him more than ever. I see now how He has always been there. Through the good times and bad. He has helped me overcome a lot of obstacles. I still struggle with MS but I know no matter what it brings He will be there to strengthen me and Windy is there to help too. I see now that Amanda and I wasn't going to make it but she gave me the greatest daughter. That I will always appreciate. She has moved on and I have too. Though I still have the fear of being left alone and hurt, but Windy is helping me to overcome that fear. For once I feel that God brought her into my life to show me love and understanding. She truly has changed my life. Before I met her I felt the old me trying to rise up again. I was trying to find comfort in a bottle. A bottle to ease pain yet it always made it worse. I am so blessed to have her. I feel worthy to be loved, something I hadn't felt in a long time. I can say I am happy. Even though I know we will face tough times but I know we will make it through them. Make it through them with love, understanding, and most important with God.


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Childish People

I can't stand childish people. Tonight my wife got in trouble because someone called in and lied saying I did something I would never do. Claiming to be a customer and when it was people that got in trouble by ruining notes she did to help them and calling her very obscene things which was captured on tape. Instead of firing them they just got warnings. This has left me very angry! I hate when someone lies about me to get someone I care about in trouble!



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Location:Paris by-Pass Rd,Paris,United States

Baby on the way

I am going to be the father not only of the greatest daughter but soon of my very own son.



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Happy Fathers Day

Today was a great father's day.
I got to see Grace


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I've come to the conclusion that I hate my life. I have been hurt so many times by women that I fall for. I am so giving up on trying to be happy. Fuck life!!

Happy new year! I say good bye to 2010 and hope this new year brings better things. Last year has been tough. Mom had her accident, relationships, divorce, court...Just a bad year!

WARNING EMO. Please tell me I'm not the only person that hates their life sometimes

A bit of an emo post.

I am sitting here in a hospital room supporting a friend. My friend Connie is in the hospital due to an infection that has attached to her bones in her face from a sinus infection caused by a form of cancer she has t-cell non-hopkins lymphoma.  I am sitting here while she sleeps and her mom also slumbers. Just me with my thoughts. Quite a bit has happened to me recently. I just came out of another relationship due to a situation I am not going to post. This situation has me realizing how gullible I am. I guess that I truly sometimes get so carried away with what I think is love that it ruins my better judgement.  So I am back lonely. My divorce becomes finalized the 23rd of September. It brings such mixed emotions. I will be glad when its over but I still miss my former wife. I feel that I am never going to find anyone. I feel that my MS is going to make it hard but most of all I fear that even if I meet a woman that I am going to fail at another relationship. This October 11th would have been our 7 year anniversary. I feel like crying. I feel just that I am destined to be alone. I do have a wonderful daughter and a great little dog but a companion I feel I shall never have. I hate being alone.

Sometimes I get the feeling I am meant to be single since none of my relationships work out