Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Insomnia/Late Night/ Early Morning Thoughts

I am laying here in bed listening to Lady Gaga "Bad Romance" while my body does not allow me to sleep. I have my sleep schedule out of wack since Winter Jam at Rupp Arena. My MS has been acting up with fatigue causing me to sleep during the day and not at night. I guess you could say a bit of insomnia. Anyways my life has been interesting as of late. My dog Dierk has grown so much lately getting ready to become an outside dog but my father suprised me tonight saying I can have two dogs. He even said I could have one for inside if I house break it. He has been against inside animals for my whole life. I guess he sees how much it makes me  happy and Grace loves animals helps too. Grace has grown so much herself. She is able to reach the light switches and is talking so much now. My little tiger is growing up. I have also started to take a bigger part in church and even our youth leader told me I need to do more with the youth after I great time at Winter Jam. I think I am figuring out my life more now than I have in quite a few years. I have fully accepted that my marriage is over but it is still tough. I tried dating but have realized that I am not really for a relationship that I can fully commit too. I am at a point of self discovery. I need to discover who Anthony really is and get in touch with my feelings. I have actually been happy as of late even with financial problems. I am really re-evaluating my life. I was struggling with midlife crisis thoughts of, "what is the purpose of my life?" "what have I accomplished" etc. I turn the big 30 this December and I dread it but it is just another milestone in my life. Just because I am 30 doesn't mean I can no longer have fun. I have attended two concerts already and had a blast at both. I think I have realized that now while I am single I can do a lot of things that I couldn't have done as much as when I was married. I do miss being in a committed relationship, but I will live single for awhile unless I meet someone that changes that. I am going to have fun for awhile. I am going to fish and camp more. I am going to try and hang out with my friends and try to make new friends! A stranger is a friend you haven't met yet! While being married my ex and I always said we didn't know how to make friends anymore, but I am learning how to again. It is time to get out there and enjoy this life that God has given me. People always say that we need to count our blessings and it is true. I am alive, I have a beautiful and wonderful daughter, great understanding parents, and some of the greatest friends!! Time To Start LIVING!!


My Daughter Grace

My Daughter Grace
Grace at Easter 2009.