Saturday, October 31, 2009

Rain, rain, go...oh hell stay awhile!

It is raining today and it as always seems to fit my mood. I am also listening to Tom Waits singing "I'm in love with a Jersey girl." His rough vocal chords scarred from tobacco and alcohol, God only knows what else, seems to calm and sooth my hurting heart. I am moving on but it is still hard at times. I don't know what to do about the divorce. I have been adding up my current debts and I honestly don't know how I am going to come up with money to pay anything. For those of you that maybe reading this and not familiar with Tom Waits needs to listen to him. His lyrics are very artistic and so rough that they really bring thoughts of diners and dirty old bars. The cast away side of society, that many of us feel we are part of.  I feel i am ready for a change of scenery. A city, rain, and steam coming from the vents. Buildings seeming to  come up from out of the dirty black pavement, stained with years of air pollution. The rain only brings out the darkness of the pollution giving the buildings an eerie look, as that of them bleeding. Their concrete and steel rising from the depths of Hell. I miss Philadelphia when it rains. I miss sitting in my friends Hope's apartment looking out her bay windows at Chestnut street, drinking Earl Grey, and discussing art, life, and the city. I miss conversations like that. Just two friends talking about everything that we thought was important but as we grow older realize they were no worry at all. I miss even the subway. The metal trains carrying people to their destinations underground. Today would be a great day to get a cup of coffee and talk.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Last Night, Wet Leaves, Trails, The Gorge, and Mr. Ambulance Driver

Well I am sitting here and feeling that I need to clarify the events of yesterday. I went with two friends to Koomer Ridge Camp Ground in Wolfe County KY to go camping in the red river gorge. All went well for the most part. Yesterday started out with rain but not very heavy rain. It was mostly off and on so we decided to go ahead and camp. Everything went well until we went on a hike. After making about three miles I lost my footing due to wet leaves and mud left from the rain. None the less I fell and fell numerous times. I tried to make it back to camp but the trail was rough and I even at times found myself crawling along the ground. In my mind I kept positive and related my situation of any situation that Sly Stallone dealt with in the Rambo movies. Eventually Multiple Sclerosis kicked in and pain also. We made it to the top of the ridge of the trail but I physically could not go any further. Luckily my friend Matt's Cricket cell phone had signal and we called 911 and had search and rescue come out and carry me out of the trail and to an awaiting ambulance. I have to give thanks to the rescue team last night. Thank you everyone!!! I ended up in Clark Regional Hospital last night. It is believed that I suffered two sprang ankles. My left ankle suffered the worst and causes the most pain. The xrays came out okay but I am still going to see an orthopedic to make sure there isn't any damage they missed. So Im now at my parents with both feet up and my left was placed in a half cast and the right just in an ace bandage wrapped tightly.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Still waiting for search and rescue hope i didnt sprain both

Otherwise in ok

(And rescue)

Has suffered a sprain ankle on a trail in the gorge waiting for search

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I find myself once again awake too early, not that bad, but
still 5 am. Last night we (my parents and myself) moved a few things from the
house on Whitney Court. It felt weird seeing the house empty, minus a few boxes
and things scattered. The divorce really started to hit me last night. Amanda
brought Grace over and she has grown so much in week. Well two weeks roughly.
She is talking more and it is hard seeing her knowing what’s to come. My mother
broke down into tears seeing her. I gave her and dad time alone with Grace
while Amanda and I talked about divorce matters. I hope we can stay civil and
friends through this.

Coffee and Memories

This evening/night has really improved what was a horrible
day. I met up with Jennifer and we went out for coffee (at a little local
coffee shop I didn’t even know about) and a bite to eat. I had such a great
time. The coffee shop put me in mind of places I used to hang out at in
Louisville, tables were painted, haiku poetry on the walls. We talked about work,
life, and all that’s going on. It was really nice to get out and spend time
with a friend. It has been so long since I have hung out with someone other
than my soon to be ex-wife. I miss social interactions with people other than
my family. It was just a great evening. After grabbing a bite to eat at
Tollyho’s (by the way a superho with egg, bacon, and pepper jack rocks!) I left
and stopped at my once home. Most of the stuff was gone or placed where it
would be easy to grab it. It still hurts to be in the house. It is such a weird
feeling. We thought moving there was going to really change our lives for the
better. It changed our lives all right, though this divorce may be what we
really needed. My heart feels like it is for the better. I still care for my
soon to be ex but it just came to a point that it really would just be better
for us to be friends than husband and wife. I still want the best for her; she
was such a part of my life for seven years. Though it was a hard seven years we
still made some great memories that I shall hold onto forever.

Updates that where never made.

October 13,2009 12:35 A.M

I am sitting here at my parents out on their carport on a
swing and reflecting about last week. Yesterday, October 12, I was released
from The Ridge, a mental health hospital. Why was I in a mental health hospital
you may ask, and well I shall tell. I according to the doctor's I suffer from bi-polar type 2. Suicide attempt doesn't help.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Guess ya need my # 859 494 0293

Finally can charge my cel & hopefully will have internet thurs. I am @ my parents house feel free to call or txt

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Love. Love at times is so hard. It is very hard feeling love for someone that thinks they don't feel the same way. How is it that love endures through some of the hardest times, yet the emotion can fade away? Does it truly fade? If things end, I know my love may change but it would still be present. Love brings us so much joy yet it can bring you down on your knees praying to God for answers. How can we screw up something our heavenly Father brings together? I think of the famous saying "better to have loved and lost, than to never had loved at all" and honestly the feelings of pain that is felt because of love are so painful, how can one agree with that?

Headed back home. Im on the mnt. Parkway

Friday, October 2, 2009

Entering my old neck of the woods, and I always get a feeling of nostalgia and one of sadness. So many memories and ghosts of past. Thoughts of what was & could have been. I am originally from Campton, KY. I spent many times at Hazel Green.

Headed 2 the hills of east kentucky 4 the weekend 2 visit inlaws will b back sunday

Thursday, October 1, 2009

A beautiful day.

I am outside again just enjoying this glorious day. It is beautiful and cool.. the perfect weather to me. I am listening to the new The Isaacs album "..Naturally" and I truly feel that my soul is at peace for the moment. I feel that my questioning is pointless and that I truly am leaning on the everlasting arms. Father, you are God, Creator, and love. We can not fully understand You with this mortal life. I praise You for the many blessings I see and the blessings that my eyes do not see. You comfort me with the cool breeze and the warm sunshine on my face. I love You Father, Lord, and Savior. Your love encompasses all your creations even the lost sheep that deny you. May we as children and servants to the cross bring them to You. Oh Lord continue to hear your children.

My Daughter Grace

My Daughter Grace
Grace at Easter 2009.