Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Posted by Anthony's Ramblings at 6:02 PM
I am sitting on the deck enjoying these cool tempratures before they are gone. Just sitting here watching the sun slowely sink in the western sky, drinking a cup of strong black coffee, listening to sad country songs. I just feel an emptiness and a loneliness that is an old friend and enemy. A deep sinking feeling, the kind of feelings that you think are gone from your life, but have a way to sneak back in. I probably should have gone to church but I wanted to stay home. I think a part of me knew I was going to feel this way and like an animal crawling to be by itself to die, I wanted to be by myself. Why do we try to make ourselves even more depressed when we feel this way? I used to try and drown my feelings with a bottle of bourbon or any other strong whiskey. I gave up drinking, nothing stronger than a cup of coffee, but I almost feel the ghost of a rocks glass on my lips and the feel of a cigarette between my fingers. Satan plays these tricks on us I believe to throw the familiar sins back at us. The sins that still haunt and torment us. He hopes we will give in. I won't give in, I almost ruined my life. Now the sun is gone and the dark, blackness of the night starts to engulf all, except for the lights on my keyboard and monitor.
Posted by Anthony's Ramblings at 4:40 PM
Saturday, September 26, 2009
I am sitting here at Amanda's folks listening to music and typing this. Amanda is taking a much needed nap. Today is her birthday. I hope she has enjoyed most of the day. I feel horrible that I have made her upset today. Today was not a day for any upsetting talk, but I still did. I am sorry.
Posted by Anthony's Ramblings at 5:16 PM
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I am sitting here drinking a vitamin water and reflecting on my life. I just read some of Jen Sward's posts on her blog and it really got me thinking. Tonight I my mind just keeps bouncing from thought to thought. It is strange to think how much can change in a year. Last year, September 3rd I went through one of my most horrible times in my life. It has just been a little over a year that I laid in a bed at St. Joseph Hospital feeling that my life was over. I did as many sinners do as they lay on their death-bed, I repented. I was saved, I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. I accepted Jesus in my heart on September 17th or 18th and my life began as a Christian. I was baptized on October 26th 2008. Life has changed for me.
Posted by Anthony's Ramblings at 9:34 PM