Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Night, love, and more coffee.

I am still sitting here drinking coffee and listening to sad songs. I had to switch my coffee cup for a travel cup to keep it hot. The sun is gone and it is very dark now, just the light of the moon and stars fill the sky. The sun is gone and anybit of happiness I might have felt is
gone also. The air is cool, cold actually and it
bites at my bare fingers but it comforts me like a long lost friend. I sound like some teenage emo, but I just don't have anyone I can truly talk to right now. So here I am blabbing all depressed. Reason I am depressed, is the reason that these sad country artists write these lover lament songs, love. Love is a strange thing. We blindly go into it, or we become comfortable, too
comfortable and we don't see the loose threads starting to unravel. We don't see the strings in our own hands as we slowley pull. I pray that these things work out. Too much at stake.
Love is our greatest gift, but it is our most painful. The many tears I have shed because of love. When I was young I thought I knew what love was, but even now at 28 I realize that I truly didn't understand. I thought sex was love then, like many people have or do. I know that isn't love, it is a way to express our love for each other but by itself it isn't love. I have come to learn that there isn't just one kind of love. There is love we have for family, there is a different kind of love when you see that small shape on a monitor and hear a heartbeat, and your eyes swell with tears of joy. There is aa love that causes many tears when we see a friend being lowered in a dirt grave and you here "ashes to ashes, dust to dust". There is also a kind of love shown when you stand in front of family and God, and make a covenant to keep and hold till death do us part. Love brings so many tears. My tears feel warm on my cheeks right now as they fall. Love.. it is truly a special and hard thing to grasp. We can only hope that this strong emotion doesn't fade and when it does.. it hurts. "if we knew what we had before it was gone," Jeniffer Nettles (Sugarland) sang it best in "the very last country song"


My Daughter Grace

My Daughter Grace
Grace at Easter 2009.