Thoughts over a cup of coffee..

I am sitting on the deck enjoying these cool tempratures before they are gone. Just sitting here watching the sun slowely sink in the western sky, drinking a cup of strong black coffee, listening to sad country songs. I just feel an emptiness and a loneliness that is an old friend and enemy. A deep sinking feeling, the kind of feelings that you think are gone from your life, but have a way to sneak back in. I probably should have gone to church but I wanted to stay home. I think a part of me knew I was going to feel this way and like an animal crawling to be by itself to die, I wanted to be by myself. Why do we try to make ourselves even more depressed when we feel this way? I used to try and drown my feelings with a bottle of bourbon or any other strong whiskey. I gave up drinking, nothing stronger than a cup of coffee, but I almost feel the ghost of a rocks glass on my lips and the feel of a cigarette between my fingers. Satan plays these tricks on us I believe to throw the familiar sins back at us. The sins that still haunt and torment us. He hopes we will give in. I won't give in, I almost ruined my life. Now the sun is gone and the dark, blackness of the night starts to engulf all, except for the lights on my keyboard and monitor.